im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
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