Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
