Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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