I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
