I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
