I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
