I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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