I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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