you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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