where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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