If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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