Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
