my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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