Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
