The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
