I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Is Oprah even human
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Randomize
