I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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