I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
