I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Randomize
