yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
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