I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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