I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
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