you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
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