I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
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