Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
