she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
