I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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