I wish I could teleport
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
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