I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
