i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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