Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Randomize
