My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
