Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
