Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
