Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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