What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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