At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
