Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
