There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Randomize
