don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.