you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Khloé Kardashian Finally Speaks Out About The Tristan Thompson Cheating Scandal
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
15 Porn Memes You’re Only Allowed To Laugh At If You’re Over 18
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.