Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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