what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
