I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
