the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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