Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
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