is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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