Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Randomize
