Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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