So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
