Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
