Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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