Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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