I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Randomize
