She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Randomize
