His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
