is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
