Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize