you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
