I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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