What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
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