i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
