Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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