well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Randomize
