halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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