whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
