You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
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You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
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