my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Randomize
