I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
