If that was your dad, he is hot
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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