i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
