i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
