I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
