Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I can't trust your balls anymore.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Randomize
