I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
smell my finger.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
