apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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