He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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