he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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