Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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