Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Randomize
