Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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