Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Randomize
