Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
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The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
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You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
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